Parenting Teens

Watching a particular scene, in the recently released movie Grace Unplugged, has prompted within me the desire to pour out my thoughts and feelings concerning it. Referring to his wayward eighteen year old daughter, Grace's father says, as he looks heavenward, "She's yours now, Lord."

Yes, how necessary it is for all parents, who have surrendered their allegiance to Jesus, to surrender total parenting control to Him as well. Of course, no matter what, He is in control whether or not we humans turn over our supposed control to Him. Thankfully, He works in our lives and in the lives of our children no matter how much control we do or do not relinquish to Him. God the Father, as the only perfect parent, loves our children even more than we do, and what He has planned for them is best. His ways are higher than our ways, and there will always be much we are unable to understand about His ways. As we spend time wrestling in prayer with Him, seeking His guidance in His Word and His Holy Spirit, He will afford us His wisdom, knowledge and right thinking on how to parent our children. Our children are unmitigated blessings from Him, and to be blessed by Him with children is an awesome responsibility, one never to be taken lightly. With each passing year, as our children grow older, we afford them realistic opportunities to make more decisions for themselves. As they make poor decisions, they can choose to learn from them or not. This is all part of striving for independence that begins the very day of our birth.

Many these days have made a practice of accusing disciples of Jesus of brainwashing our children, by simply teaching them to seek God and His will through prayer and obedience to the precepts set forth in His Holy Word. They would prefer for us to offer our children up as sacrifices to the state, as if the state is not in the business of indoctrination. How convoluted and destructive this type of thinking is. How irresponsible and unloving it would be to keep from our children knowledge of the only way to truth, the only way to holy and righteous living, the only way to life eternal, the only way to peace that passes all understanding and joy unspeakable and full of glory. We are all born knowing God, with a conscience that divides right from wrong. The world begins it's seduction as soon as we are born into it, and if responsible parents remove their God-given, authoritative, loving teaching and correction from our children, how much sooner will the sad fall from truth inevitably occur. Many times opportunity and vulnerability are all that it takes for anyone of us to make a poor choice that leads us away from eternal life, and towards eternal death.  But for the grace of God there go I we can proclaim on an ongoing basis!  All of God's children have rebelled against Him, except for His only perfect child, so we can count on our imperfect children rebelling against their imperfect earthly parents as well as against their heavenly Father.  How easy it is for folks to have all of the answers when they have been faced with none of the problems personally. This seems particularly true when it comes to parenting.

Yes, we are called to relinquish our parental control to God's ultimate authority, while at the same time, we are called by God to do our part in guiding our children along the narrow way to eternal life. We are partners in conjunction with God as we raise our children to know Him and to make Him known. We will all make many heartbreaking mistakes in raising our children, and many variables come into play as we do so. There are those among us who feel things much more deeply than do others, for we allow ourselves to. Some children linger long in the nest while others fly to independence much earlier. Some live close by, while others live at a great distance. Myriad varying influences come into children's lives, for good and for bad. Some families are exceedingly blessed by being able to remain in their home areas, where their ancestral roots are firm and deep, while others lose their close systems of loving support as they move away from such vital, life-giving and enhancing familiar connections. There are families whose members are intimately connected, and families that are much more loosely joined. There are children whose lives are always open books unto their parents, while children in other families have many chapters that remain ever closed to their parents. How exceedingly easy it is for those among us who have not yet become parents, especially parents of rebellious teens, to offer up advice to those of us who are in the midst of unimaginable suffering and heartbreak, due to the rebellion of our teens. There are many who would rather point the finger of condemnation, even relishing in the pain that we are suffering, because they believe that the suffering is deserved. Instead of helping to bear our burden by lovingly coming alongside to offer comfort, encouragement, inspiration and love, or simply a shoulder to cry on, they prefer to say, "I told you so." It's as if they want us to wallow in our disappointment and pain, as they withhold loving support. Another hurtful reaction to our pain is when others are not willing to grieve with us, as they unthinkingly tell us we should move past our pain. How can we move past it when it's an ongoing condition?  We're living in the midst of it on a daily basis, wondering what antics our rebellious teens will act out next.  What hurtful words will they sling and why?  Will they come home tonight or not?  If not, where are they, with whom and what are they doing?  Is it illegal, safe, healthy?  Whom are they harming besides themselves and their concerned family?  Will they end up in jail or possibly dead?  We will not be able to move past the torment until our prodigals return to their first love - Jesus, who is the truth.  Sadly, many are unwilling to listen as we seek healing and comfort through talking about it. Until someone has walked in another's shoes, quite often we are sorely unequipped to extend the mercy, compassion and discernment needed in order to display the love of Jesus to another. WHY IS THAT? The reality of it is, as long as our child is a prodigal, our hearts will remain broken, that is, if we are responsibly engaged with our children. Of course, the Bible instructs us to be content whatever state we are in, and as hurting parents, we can achieve a state of contentment. It's necessary for us to be able to function in our daily lives. However, it is wise of us to remember that there will be days where we will be utterly depleted due to fighting the ongoing battle for our souls, and we will be unable to quench the grievous weeping over our children from deep within. It's healthier to allow ourselves to feel the deep well of profound pain, for then we are also able to feel the deep well of profound joy that is also a significant part of our lives, as we abide in Jesus. To attempt to stifle the devastating pain is unrealistic and crippling. Out of our painful experiences comes the ability to reach out to others in their suffering. It enables us to make a difference for good in this life as well as into eternity. It's part of the refinement process as we become more like Jesus, if we allow it. Out of our deep pain, we become warriors for Him, soldiers of the Cross, as we determine to keep our branches in His vine.

Scotty McCreery Wins American Idol

Should we truly be proud that Scotty McCreery participated in such a raunchy show? And, a hero, really?  What has Scotty done that is heroic?  The Bible says we are either friends with Jesus or with the world. We can't have it both ways. American Idol is so far from family viewing!  Our addiction to entertainment has neutered our minds and trivialized our hearts. Beyonce, J Lo and Gaga (she is NOT a lady) all dress, move and sing like they're prostitutes. Stephen Tyler is a womanizer.  Of course, it's what our sex-crazed culture wants, but Christians have no business indulging in such sleaze, do they? Sadly, I was duped into viewing a couple episodes due to all the hoopla over Scotty, since he's from where I live, but I VOW TO NEVER WATCH IT AGAIN! JESUS IS NOT PLEASED WITH AMERICAN IDOL! Will fame and fortune change Scotty like it changes most who attain it? Consider the example of Jordan Sparks! Observe how Carrie Underwood sings Jesus Take the Wheel, but also the filth she sang on American Idol.  This does not compute.  Consider how the fathers of these women feel about their little girls exposing all for the world to view!  Do we want our husbands, sons and fathers viewing the flesh that God created to be sacred?  God calls His people to live set-apart from the world, not to partake of its sinful pleasures.  Talk is cheap, and many who proclaim Jesus as Lord do not mean it, and many who do mean it initially, fall away when yielding to the temptations of this fallen, corrupt world. :(  We're not supposed to live as much like the world as possible while hoping to still slide into heaven one day.  We're called to be as much like our Master, Saviour and Lord as possible!  We're called to seek His will, not our own as we surrender all to Him!  We must engage our brains to think for ourselves, taking every thought captive to Christ while doing so!

God Is In Control

God could have shown us how great He is. He could have displayed how powerful and above us He is. Instead, He became as small as we are. What did Jesus know that enabled Him to do what He did? Here's part of the answer. He knew the value of people (His sheeple). He knew that each human being is a treasure. And because He did, people were not a source of stress, but a source of joy. Jesus knows how you feel. You are precious to Him. So precious that He became like you, so that you would come to Him. It is outrageous for the Christ whose rightful place is at the right hand of His Father to step out of timelessness into our world to live as one of us. For people with bodies, important things like love have to be embodied, or else people with bodies would never in a trillion years understand about love. It was not necessary to nail Him to His cross. His unfailing love, arms opened wide for us, would have held Him there. That I should such a life destroy yet live by Him I killed! He lived for us, then He died for us, and then He rose for us. His death atoned for our sins, and His resurrection opens the door to everlasting life. How much easier it would have been for Him to not give us a choice. But to remove the choice would be to remove the love. The one who chose to love created one who could love in return… Now …. it's our choice. Jesus is fishing for us, not to kill us but to give us life. God woos us with kindness. He changes our character with the passion of His love.

God is looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind has cheated on Him, has committed adultery, and yet He is hopelessly in love with her. God's goodness is spurred by His nature, not by our worthiness. We are wanted by God, pursued by God. He is wanting to preserve us, to guide us through the darkness of the shadow of death up into eternal life in His presence. We are temporarily in these shells on this earth. Paul had no questions. That is how he could be beaten one day, imprisoned the next, and released only to be beaten again and never ask God why. He understood the earth is fallen. He understood the rules of Rome could not save mankind, that mankind could not save itself; rather it must be rescued. He knew he was not in the promised land, but still in the desert. We seem to forget - perhaps more truthfully, we refuse to remember - that we are the ones who betrayed Him, not vice versa. We are the ones who listened to the lies of the evil one in the Garden; we chose to mistrust the heart of God. Why, oh why do we have difficulty believing in the God who created the entire universe? Why do we have trouble believing in the One who sent His only Son to save us from ourselves? In the same way God delivered the Israelites from Egypt, so he has delivered us from eternal death to eternal life through His beloved son. He's delivered us from bondage to sin, bondage to narcissism, into fullness of life lived with and for Him.

True, God is in control of the universe. True, He can prevent suffering whenever He sees fit. However, that doesn't mean that everything that happens is His doing. Wherever free will exists, by the very nature of things, consequences of choice must exist. These consequences will be either good or bad, depending on the decisions that are made. We are all being tempted by satan. Pain, suffering and death are the result of man's abuse of free will. God does not prevent man's disobedience, even though He knows the consequences will be devastating. He allows a man to reap what he sows. Selfishness grows from the anarchy seed, the seed of the evil one. satan lashes out on the earth like a madman, setting tribes against each other in Rwanda. satan devastates many lives through starvation, alcoholism, substance abuse and pornography. satan is at work in economic chaos around the world, and the corporate-driven greed of American executives. satan is at work in the holocaust of violent, non-loving, disrespecting aborting of babies in the U.S. of A., the narcissism, materialism and intellectualism in America, social class snobbery, and the self-absorption we wallow in when we do not ensure our next generation is brought up in a culture with enriching, wholesome values. What a great responsibility it is to be human. We are human because God made us. If you are not living in touch with God, it is easy to blame Him or pass judgment on Him. We experience suffering and temptation because mankind chose to follow satan. God is reaching out to rescue us … God made nature to sing His praises, to declare His glory and to love Him. He made humans with the ability to choose. He could have ordered our obedience; instead He calls for our heart.

My 2009 Christmas Gift

What a person believes about God is basic to everything else. Do you believe the Word of God or not? “God chooses not milksops destitute of backbone, to wear his glory upon their faces. We have plenty of men made of sugar, nowadays, that melt into the stream of popular opinion; but these shall never ascend into the hill of the Lord, nor stand in his holy place, nor wear the tokens of his glory.” ~Charles H. Spurgeon

We all give our allegiance to some master. Who is it you serve? Yourself? satan? Are you ruled by your flesh? Do you worship at the altar of material possessions, alcohol, power, prestige, money, popularity, fun, hobbies, leisure time, physical appearance, fountain of youth, Hollywood, the music industry, pornography, narcissism? Are you constantly distracted by other things so you won't have time to examine yourself, and be still before God? Are you constantly chasing after your next pleasurable dopamine fix to fill the God-shaped hole in your heart? Are you always attempting to ease the suffering in your heart, that living in this impersonal world brings, with shopping, cigarettes, booze, food, sex, entertainment? Do you protect your eye-gates and ear-gates from impurity? Is your time lavished selfishly on yourself or do you use it to serve the Lover of your soul? Do you worship at the feet of The One who bled and died for your sins? Who is on the throne in your life? Are you willing to be poured out like oil on the altar for Him – thy will to break, His will to take?

Chuck Colson's Manhattan Declaration is perhaps the most significant document in recent years. It draws a line in the sand on the three paramount issues of our time: the sanctity of human life, the sanctity of marriage as the holy and conjugal union of husband and wife, and the rights of religious liberty and conscience. As my mentor, Dr. James Dobson, stated on his radio program recently, if our values are "not preserved at this moment of destiny, this nation and most others in the Western world will fold, and freedom itself will go down with it." Will you stand with others who claim Christ as Lord, and who long to better our country, or will you stand with those who oppose us? I implore you to do the right thing, and sign the Manhattan Declaration!

“No lips ever spoke with such thundering indignation against sin as the lips of the Messiah. While in tenderness he prays for His tempted disciple, that his faith may not fail, yet with awful sternness he winnows the heap, and drives away the chaff into unquenchable fire. His meekness was balanced by His courage, and by the boldness with which he denounced hypocrisy. 'Woe unto you, Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites; ye fools and blind, ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?' These are not the words of the milksop some authors represent Christ to have been. He is a man – a thorough man throughout – a God-like man – gentle as a woman, but yet stern as a warrior in the midst of the day of battle. The character is balanced; as much of one virtue as of another.” ~Charles H. Spurgeon Too often folks these days attempt to bring only half of Jesus to the world, but you can't bring His love, without at the same time illuminating His love with His truth! We don't have a Saviour without both His love and His truth!

Jay Sekulow at The American Center for Law and Justice is unceasingly working to defend our freedom and our children's and grandchildren's future, which are dangerously on the line. From Capitol Hill to the Supreme Court of the United States, from the United Nations to the International Criminal Court, God has uniquely positioned him to be a strong voice for liberty. (Liberty is the freedom to do that which is right.) He needs our financial support to continue to fulfill that calling. Here are just a few reasons to fund The ACLJ: In Gonzalez v. Planned Parenthood of Los Angeles, they're holding Planned Barrenhood accountable to a multi-million-dollar taxpayer scam; in ACLU v. DeWeese, the ACLJ is squaring off against the ACLU in their ongoing crusade to eliminate any hint or reference to religion; the ACLJ has joined pro-life House Democrats and Republicans to intensify the fight against the massive government-run health care plan that makes abortion a “health benefit”. When did it become a legal “health benefit” to violently murder a precious, vulnerable, defenseless child??? Tyrants know that marriage and family are the basic core of society and the basic foundation of government, and if people are going to control others, they see marriage and family as their number-one threat. So tyrants always want to weaken the family, and that's what this government-run health care bill is designed to do. And it's designed to do it very effectively in myriad ways. The ACLJ is also at work with Representative Walter Jones to protect the constitutional rights of military chaplains to pray according to their faith. Internationally, the ACLJ is pushing to defeat an illegal act in violation of international law, the Defamation of Religions Resolution, advanced by the Organization of the Islamic Conference, which would make proclamation of the Gospel illegal worldwide. Jay is fighting aggressively against the power of the ICC to keep radical Islamists from taking control of the lives of Israeli soldiers … threatening the very sovereignty of Israel and the United States. This is simply a smattering of the evil in our fallen world that we MUST fight against. We cannot remain silent, especially for the younger generations!

As Dorothy Sayers said, “I believe it to be a grave mistake to present Christianity as something charming and popular with no offense in it. Seeing that Christ went about the world giving the most violent offense to all kinds of people, it would seem absurd to expect that the doctrine of his person can be so presented as to offend nobody. We cannot blink at the fact that gentle Jesus, meek and mild, was so stiff in His opinions and so inflammatory in His language that He was thrown out of church, stoned, hunted from place to place, and finally gibbeted as a firebrand and a public danger. Whatever His peace was, it was not the peace of an amiable indifference.” Jesus said He came not to bring peace, but division. “Realize that the aim of the Prince of Peace is not peace with unbelief and disobedience. Those are the enemies that must be destroyed, lest they destroy. When the amnesty of Jesus is despised, division is inevitable. What we meet in the biting language of Christ is a form of love that corresponds with the real world of corruption, the dullness of our hearts and the magnitude of what is at stake in our choices. If there were no great evils, no deaf hearts and no eternal consequences, perhaps the only fitting forms of love would be a... soft touch and tender words. But such a world does not kill the Son of God and hate his disciples.” ~John Piper

There's been a powerful marketing blitz since 1988 to sell “gay rights” to America. Another agenda underway has been that of establishing and propagating the myth of church-state separation. How about the scheme afoot to sell sex and rebellion to our children? There is a fierce campaign to destroy marriage. Fraudulent science has unleashed a catastrophic “Revolution” whose aim is to cause us all to be obsessed with sex. Radicals have hijacked America's education system by sabotaging our schools. The press creates a world of illusion we think is real. Lying marketers have sold America on unrestricted abortion. Consider the multicultural madness that has turned our western culture upside down in one generation. Before his Inauguration, Obama said, “We are just five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America.” That's what his administration is attempting to do, folks. Do you think our country needs to be fundamentally transformed??? If so, why? I implore you to learn the truth about those with whom he has surrounded himself. I don't spend copious amounts of time with dangerous radicals, Communists, Socialists, Marxists, Fascists, underground weathermen, unrepentant felons, liars, thieves, abortionists, pornographers, charlatans, etc. Our President does! Such unsavory characters have his ear on a regular basis! That should give us all pause. “Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future!” We all need to realize the truth of Jesus, for He is our best hope!

Ginny Bain Allen