Parenting Teens

Watching a particular scene, in the recently released movie Grace Unplugged, has prompted within me the desire to pour out my thoughts and feelings concerning it. Referring to his wayward eighteen year old daughter, Grace's father says, as he looks heavenward, "She's yours now, Lord."

Yes, how necessary it is for all parents, who have surrendered their allegiance to Jesus, to surrender total parenting control to Him as well. Of course, no matter what, He is in control whether or not we humans turn over our supposed control to Him. Thankfully, He works in our lives and in the lives of our children no matter how much control we do or do not relinquish to Him. God the Father, as the only perfect parent, loves our children even more than we do, and what He has planned for them is best. His ways are higher than our ways, and there will always be much we are unable to understand about His ways. As we spend time wrestling in prayer with Him, seeking His guidance in His Word and His Holy Spirit, He will afford us His wisdom, knowledge and right thinking on how to parent our children. Our children are unmitigated blessings from Him, and to be blessed by Him with children is an awesome responsibility, one never to be taken lightly. With each passing year, as our children grow older, we afford them realistic opportunities to make more decisions for themselves. As they make poor decisions, they can choose to learn from them or not. This is all part of striving for independence that begins the very day of our birth.

Many these days have made a practice of accusing disciples of Jesus of brainwashing our children, by simply teaching them to seek God and His will through prayer and obedience to the precepts set forth in His Holy Word. They would prefer for us to offer our children up as sacrifices to the state, as if the state is not in the business of indoctrination. How convoluted and destructive this type of thinking is. How irresponsible and unloving it would be to keep from our children knowledge of the only way to truth, the only way to holy and righteous living, the only way to life eternal, the only way to peace that passes all understanding and joy unspeakable and full of glory. We are all born knowing God, with a conscience that divides right from wrong. The world begins it's seduction as soon as we are born into it, and if responsible parents remove their God-given, authoritative, loving teaching and correction from our children, how much sooner will the sad fall from truth inevitably occur. Many times opportunity and vulnerability are all that it takes for anyone of us to make a poor choice that leads us away from eternal life, and towards eternal death.  But for the grace of God there go I we can proclaim on an ongoing basis!  All of God's children have rebelled against Him, except for His only perfect child, so we can count on our imperfect children rebelling against their imperfect earthly parents as well as against their heavenly Father.  How easy it is for folks to have all of the answers when they have been faced with none of the problems personally. This seems particularly true when it comes to parenting.

Yes, we are called to relinquish our parental control to God's ultimate authority, while at the same time, we are called by God to do our part in guiding our children along the narrow way to eternal life. We are partners in conjunction with God as we raise our children to know Him and to make Him known. We will all make many heartbreaking mistakes in raising our children, and many variables come into play as we do so. There are those among us who feel things much more deeply than do others, for we allow ourselves to. Some children linger long in the nest while others fly to independence much earlier. Some live close by, while others live at a great distance. Myriad varying influences come into children's lives, for good and for bad. Some families are exceedingly blessed by being able to remain in their home areas, where their ancestral roots are firm and deep, while others lose their close systems of loving support as they move away from such vital, life-giving and enhancing familiar connections. There are families whose members are intimately connected, and families that are much more loosely joined. There are children whose lives are always open books unto their parents, while children in other families have many chapters that remain ever closed to their parents. How exceedingly easy it is for those among us who have not yet become parents, especially parents of rebellious teens, to offer up advice to those of us who are in the midst of unimaginable suffering and heartbreak, due to the rebellion of our teens. There are many who would rather point the finger of condemnation, even relishing in the pain that we are suffering, because they believe that the suffering is deserved. Instead of helping to bear our burden by lovingly coming alongside to offer comfort, encouragement, inspiration and love, or simply a shoulder to cry on, they prefer to say, "I told you so." It's as if they want us to wallow in our disappointment and pain, as they withhold loving support. Another hurtful reaction to our pain is when others are not willing to grieve with us, as they unthinkingly tell us we should move past our pain. How can we move past it when it's an ongoing condition?  We're living in the midst of it on a daily basis, wondering what antics our rebellious teens will act out next.  What hurtful words will they sling and why?  Will they come home tonight or not?  If not, where are they, with whom and what are they doing?  Is it illegal, safe, healthy?  Whom are they harming besides themselves and their concerned family?  Will they end up in jail or possibly dead?  We will not be able to move past the torment until our prodigals return to their first love - Jesus, who is the truth.  Sadly, many are unwilling to listen as we seek healing and comfort through talking about it. Until someone has walked in another's shoes, quite often we are sorely unequipped to extend the mercy, compassion and discernment needed in order to display the love of Jesus to another. WHY IS THAT? The reality of it is, as long as our child is a prodigal, our hearts will remain broken, that is, if we are responsibly engaged with our children. Of course, the Bible instructs us to be content whatever state we are in, and as hurting parents, we can achieve a state of contentment. It's necessary for us to be able to function in our daily lives. However, it is wise of us to remember that there will be days where we will be utterly depleted due to fighting the ongoing battle for our souls, and we will be unable to quench the grievous weeping over our children from deep within. It's healthier to allow ourselves to feel the deep well of profound pain, for then we are also able to feel the deep well of profound joy that is also a significant part of our lives, as we abide in Jesus. To attempt to stifle the devastating pain is unrealistic and crippling. Out of our painful experiences comes the ability to reach out to others in their suffering. It enables us to make a difference for good in this life as well as into eternity. It's part of the refinement process as we become more like Jesus, if we allow it. Out of our deep pain, we become warriors for Him, soldiers of the Cross, as we determine to keep our branches in His vine.

Is Scotty McCreery an Idol, a Hero or Merely a Boy?

With all the hoopla swirling around Scotty McCreery since he won American Idol last week, it's given me pause to reflect on the significance of earning such a title in our corrupt culture.  Given the nature of the production and his age, is seventeen year old Scotty truly a model of excellence?  For his age, he appears to be a thoughtful boy, and those who know him attest to the uprightness of his character.  His mom chaperons and guides him wherever he goes.  She is older, but is she wiser as she has led her impressionable young son into participating in such worldliness?  What has Scotty done that has presto-chango turned him into an instant hero?  Has he selflessly saved lives?  Has he sacrificially laid down his life for another?  What heroic act has he performed?  Has he displayed distinguished courage?  Can we admire him for his brave deeds and noble qualities?  Realistically, how noble can one be at age seventeen?  Has he earned the title of Prince?  Have years of experience of walking with Jesus made him a mentor, a sage or a counselor?  He certainly has attained fame, recognition, fortune, and popularity.  It's evident that he is regarded with blind admiration, adoration and devotion, but does that make him someone exemplary, or is he a mere image of something visible but lacking in substance?  Is he a figment of our imagination - a fantasy of what we want him to be?


I concur that he has moxie as a singer, but he has simply cultivated a God-given gift.  Without that, he would never have made it onto the stage of American Idol.  Can we admire him for something with which God has blessed him?  At opportune moments, Scotty does appear to give God the glory for His success, but is this genuine, and how can a seventeen year old understand all that entails?  How can we tell at his young age?  The statistics prove that most freshman in college, who purported to be Jesus' disciples while still in high school, fall away from their Lord, Master, and Saviour into lives of narcissism.  Is Scotty simply parroting his parents' faith as they've guided and instructed him to do?  Will the faith he proclaims to have in Jesus remain as the trials, persecutions, sufferings and pain of this life inevitably come?  How will he react to shattered dreams?  Will he allow Jesus to refine him into deeper purity and holiness or will he fall away from his first love?  Jesus' own words in Matthew 7:14 are quite sobering, " But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."  Will Scotty be included among the few to find eternal life?  That remains to be seen, does it not?  He's still only a boy.  Scotty will require much guidance from those older and wiser in their walks with the Lord.  Many prayers will need to be prayed on his behalf.  Many hours must be spent by Scotty in Bible reading and study.  Even then, there is no guarantee that Scotty will "endure to the end" as Jesus says in Matthew 24:13 must occur, for one to acquire eternal life. 


As Timothy 4:12 declares,  "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."  I pray this verse exemplifies Scotty's young life.  If it does, and his heart is right before God as he matures, maybe one day Scotty will be a hero and a mentor to his children and grandchildren, as well as to others.  That is yet to be determined.

Is Rob Bell correct in teaching that Love Wins?

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2011/03/14/rob-bell-love-wins-review/

For Emily, Concerning My Forgiveness of My Daughter

How ultimately sad and perplexing it is for a young woman the same age as my daughter to be so cynical and confused over the sad truth about abortion, as well as the necessity for and exceeding blessing of forgiveness.  Emily, of course every abortion ends a precious life, created in the image of God.  Where did you ever get the notion that I consider the abortion that ended my grandchild's life as insignificant, not murderous and not sinful???  The killing of my own grandchild was excruciatingly painful for me, for it was a personal experience I will NEVER forget.  At the same time, how could you expect me to not forgive my own flesh and blood for the heinous act she committed against God???  But by the grace of God, there go I!  We are all commanded to forgive others, lest we will be in danger of losing the forgiveness of God.  At the same time I am devastated over the loss of my grandchild, a person I was robbed of knowing in this life, I will always love my daughter, come what may!!!  Would you prefer I had kicked her to the curb, when she most needed my love and nurturing?  She repented, returned home to Jesus and to me as the prodigal, leaving behind the darkness and bondage of sin that held her blind and deceived.  As Jesus did, I welcomed her home with open arms and a heart filled with gratefulness to God.  Our story shines with the glory of God's redemption and healing in the midst of deep pain and overwhelming sadness.   Sadly, you cannot, yet, understand the difference between loving the sinner while abhorring the sin.

"Jesus came to lay down His life so that the very ones who killed Him, who represented all of us, could be forgiven because of the price that He paid in the hell of a world that does not recognize His voice."  ~Ravi Zacharias

CHILD LOANED by Edgar Guest - one of my favorite poets

"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine," He said.
"For you to love the while she lives,
And mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call her back
Take care of her for Me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over
In My search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you;
Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labour vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call
and take her back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
For the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for her
Much sooner then we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.

Killing Life and Liveliness

Why are more and more people being diagnosed with mental illness? Laziness and narcissism are symptoms of mental illness, and they are at the root of all human evil.  Most of us would prefer to follow rather than lead, because it requires more thinking to lead.  When we give up our right to think for ourselves, we have entered a dangerous state of laziness, a condition ripe for others to control us.  Why are there more and more psychopaths? Could it possibly be due to the stench in our society? Is it just so much harder to cope while living surrounded by so much filth? Consider the mobility of our society and the fewer meaningful connections we are making with each other? Could there be any correlation between mental illness, psychopathy and tossing God out of the public square? Can it have to do at all with how the cultural and intellectual elite want the common folk to be managed, kept quiet, under wraps, controlled and manipulated so we will not display passion about Jesus or about the corruption permeating our culture? I believe they want us drugged into submission, complacency, mediocrity and tolerance so their evil fog of progressivism can freely infiltrate this land and its people. They want us drugged so we won't display all of the emotions with which God created us, so we won't engage our brains to think for ourselves. They want us drugged so we will remain silently tucked away in our homes, not caring about the ever deepening pit of evil into which our country is wallowing. They want us to believe all is well. They want us to be a nation of cookie cutter people, unable to display our original creativity, for that scares them.  It makes us unpredictable, and, therefore, harder to control. They want us to mind our own business, and to swallow the lie that the choices other people make for themselves won't affect us. As Martin Luther King Jr. said in 1963, "Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly ... I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. And you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be." Progressives will stop at nothing to acquire and maintain their covert agenda. Like Lazarus in John 12:10-11, "So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and putting their faith in Him." they want to kill me too. There are ways to kill life and liveliness without committing murder, and with their control, they want to destroy my liveliness. We may "break" a horse or even a child without harming a hair on it's head. Erich Fromm was acutely sensitive to this fact when he broadened the definition of necrophilia to include the desire of certain people to control others - to make them controllable, to foster their dependency, to discourage their capacity to think for themselves, to diminish their unpredictability and originality, to keep them in line. Distinguishing it from a "biophilic" person, one who appreciates and fosters the variety of life forms and the uniqueness of the individual, he demonstrated a "necrophilia character type," whose aim it is to avoid the inconvenience of life by transforming others into obedient automatons, robbing them of their humanity. Evil, then, is that force, residing either inside or outside of human beings, that seeks to kill life or liveliness.

We are all born knowing God, with a conscience to divide between right and wrong.  The truth, which is Jesus, leads us to right thinking, wisdom and robust mental health.  Sadly, the seduction of this corrupt world begins its relentless assault on our minds and souls as soon as we are born into it.  The mental WILLness begins as we freely reject Him.  Robbed of righteous, clear thinking, the more we choose to follow the wide path to destruction, by making choices that lead us in the direction of death, instead of life, the more our minds are rendered incapacitated and we become ever more mentally ill, deficient or diseased.  The only answer to mental illness is for one to be transformed by the renewing of one's mind in Jesus.  Personal purification is required not only for the salvation of our individual souls, but for also for the salvation of our world.

ONLY GOD IS GOOD

Like the slogan touted on buses around our nation's capital during the Christmas season, it's impossible to "just be good for goodness sake." Only with Jesus living in us can anyone be good, for He is the only one infallible - the only one good. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are all as filthy rags compared to Him. The Lord said in Genesis 8:21, "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood."

Many, such as Ted Kennedy, live by what they've dubbed a social gospel. Incomprehensibly, they even go so far so to attribute it to Matthew 25 from God's Holy Word. Picking and choosing what you like and do not like from the Bible is cafeteria Christianity, which, of course, in reality, is not Christianity at all. In all truth, there is no other gospel. There is only the good news of Jesus, which encompasses the Bible in its entirety! However, many believe if they simply: give the hungry, food; give the thirsty, drink; invite the stranger in; give clothes to the naked; look after the sick; and visit those in prison, they are good and will receive eternal life due to their own good deeds and innate goodness. The Bible clearly refutes this position. Jesus in John 15 teaches, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in Me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." In Matthew 5:20 Jesus said, "Unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." The Pharisees made their religiosity as ostentatious as possible. They were almost constitutionally incapable of doing any act of charity or piety without making a tawdry public display out of it in the process. That is precisely what most of Matthew 6 is about. Jesus was contrasting the religious exhibitionism of the Pharisees with the authentic faith he had described in the Beatitudes. Faith has its primary impact on the heart of the believer. The Pharisees' religion, by contrast, was mainly for show "to be seen" by others. It is the very same contrast the apostle Paul often highlighted between authentic faith and a religion of mere works. True saving faith inevitably produces good works, because it expresses itself in love; but the superficial displays of "charity" in works-religion are not even truly charitable. Because Pharisee-style religion is motivated mainly by a craving for the praise of men, it is inherently self-aggrandizing, making it the very antithesis of authentic charity. "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!' Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock...But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand."

So, you see, yes, of course, someone can do good deeds without giving their heart, will and soul to Jesus and His authority. Since God creates everyone in His image, there is beauty in one and all, whether they have accepted Jesus into their hearts and souls as Lord, Master and Saviour, or not. Each of us is gifted by Him uniquely to display His characteristics in each one's distinct way. However, the good deeds we do on our own, without acknowledging Him and giving Him all the glory, will be worthless in God's sight. When we live for Jesus, out of our faith in Him, we will do good works in His name. Faith without works is dead. But works without faith in the One who calls us to Him is for naught. It will be burned up. If we bring material bread to the hungry without, at the same time, bringing them the Bread of Life, it is not significant to God. We must first give thanks and praise to the Maker of the bread, our Bread of Life. We must bear witness to the fact that He is the giver of all gifts, including bread, and that without Him, there would be nothing to give the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick and those in prison. Only because of Him do we even have life. Only because of Him do we have the hands, the feet, the mouth, the heart, the knowledge, and the compassion to reach out with eternal purpose to touch the life of another, to make a difference for good in this life, as well as a lasting difference in the next. It all boils down to abiding in Him. My will to break - my Lord's will to take! In Mark 9:41 Jesus says, "For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward."

I Corinthians 13:1-3 teaches us "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." As is proclaimed in I John 4:8 "God is love," until we surrender all authority over our lives to Him, we cannot truly love, and we cannot be truly good.